Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
