The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
This house was built for laser tag.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she told me i tasted like america
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Randomize
