im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
