so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
