This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
