just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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