I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
wow bdsm is so cute
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
