Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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