I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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