Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
