What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
