you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize