Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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