hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
