Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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