I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
