I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize