I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
