I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
