I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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