who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im calling her cock vulture from now on
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
