I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
