i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
