I didn't shave. On purpose
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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