we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
