how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
