I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
