Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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