Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
God, I missed his penis.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
