Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
