I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
