Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
