Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize