thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize