Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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