My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
