Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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