Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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