He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
