my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
