The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
