why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
