Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize