Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
