I accidentally had phone sex last night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
