I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
