Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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