is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
