just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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