So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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