We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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