I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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