We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dicks are not precious.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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