Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
