Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
There's even glitter on my cock...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
