Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
