I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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