i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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