We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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