quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
