Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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