ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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