I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
