I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
