He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize