respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
