who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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