Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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