I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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