Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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